I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything even as basic as a doodle. The truth is, it's been a while since I've drawn anything as basic as a doodle. I don't even think I know what this week's Illustration Friday theme is. This is partially because I've been so ungodly busy and overly-scheduled, and partly because I think every bit of creativity in my body has gone into hiding. Maybe it's somewhere behind my spleen--I certainly couldn't tell you, because I seem to have no access to it at the moment. This too shall pass, right?
Maybe now's the time for a little introduction. I'm a very, very, very beginner illustrator. As in, not able yet to financially support myself with this work. Not even close. And despite living in a low-cost-of-living city and leading a very low-cost life, I've found I can't support myself on a part-time job either.
So I work full-time. At a job I mostly really enjoy (involving college students and volunteerism). Every once in awhile, though, I'll have a day (and today was one of them) when I feel so out of place in the tasks that fill up my days, so in over my head, that I just can't take it. "Why am I here?" I wonder. "This isn't my calling, my career, the thing I've wanted to do since I was eleven years old, the thing I've taken lots of college classes to prepare me for. And I'm not just floundering and uncertain of my future, either! I have something I love to do that I like to think I'm actually pretty good at. Why can't I just get paid to do that? Why am I spending my days dealing with these politics and these stacks of papers and these numbers- and procedure-related tasks that I am so not good at?? WHY CAN'T I JUST BE AN ARTIST AND GET ON WITH LIFE?!!"
But there's simply not enough time in my week to do everything, and this week it's the art that's getting the shaft. Granted, right now is even more busy than usual. I've done well with balancing art and work (and laundry and cooking and friends and family) in months past--and I'll get back there again. But today I need to vent. I'm not sure I really wish the industry was set up to hire full-time illustrators like accountants and social workers and engineers, but... sometimes I kind of wish it was.
Anybody been where I am? Anybody there right now, with me? Care to tell me inspiring tales of how you went from full-time work in other fields to being able to illustrate full time (preferably without getting married first, because that's just not on my horizon, barring any fast-paced real-life fairy tales)? Or just want to commiserate? I'd love to hear from my fellow illustrators. If there was a day to leave comments, this is it!
